Bad Habit
by Angsty Glowstick
Summary: One Shot. Kai's hiding something and he doesn't like words much. Not much to say about this one really.


**Just something I felt like writing. Didn't turn out the way I planned, but whatever. Hope you enjoy it.**

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Ever since he started, Kai became especially conscious. He had a fear of those around him finding out, even though he didn't know _why_, and so he made sure to keep it a well guarded secret.

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On one of his nightly walks, Takao insisted on coming along. Kai attempted to dissuade him with a few words to no avail. They took a silent stroll through the streets of Bay City and though Kai hoped that the other would get bored and return home, Takao simply seemed to be enjoying his company.

They stood on the bridge for a few moments and then Takao turned to him. He was smiling.

"Feel better? Let's head home Kai, neither of us had dinner yet."

_Your home, not mine,_ Kai thought but followed the bluenette in defeat.

xxx

In late October Kai slipped out unnoticed and headed for the nearby park. It was late, and he could see no one else in the darkness. He gratefully made his way to the swings and sat for a while, eyes narrowed in the face of the tender moon. Then he fumbled in his pocket and soon was feeling much better.

Not fifteen minutes later he saw a figure emerge in the far end of the park. He looked on guardedly until he made out Takao in the dim light. Takao soon saw him and wasted no time in making his way over.

"Kai!" he called as he neared. "I was looking for you."

Kai pursed his lips and looked into the distance in exasperation. Takao came to stand beside him.

"Why didn't you tell us you were heading out? You had me worried for a minute there," he said amiably, then pulled his scarf around his face when a breeze blew by.

"Brr, it's getting colder and colder. Weather forecast says we're going to have snow soon."

Kai sighed and considered the situation. It was always like this: a one-sided conversation that he didn't feel the need to contribute to. It wasn't that he didn't like spending time with the other, but the bluenette's constant presence sometimes made him aggravated. It seemed like Takao couldn't spend one moment in peace without having absolute knowledge where Kai was. More than once Kai had entertained the thought of simply disappearing without telling anyone. He had considered taking a plane to Russia, or going to Europe. He was still considering it.

"So…" Takao started again, looking at him, "What are you doing out here at this time? It's pretty late you know."

"Hn," Kai replied dismissively in his usual manner. He wanted to say more, wanted to demand that Takao stop trailing him and constantly talking and…

"Are you okay Kai?"

The soft tone stopped Kai's thought in its tracks. He closed his eyes. He hated the constant mixed feelings he had about Takao. One second he wanted to tell him off harshly, and the next he wanted to… wanted to…

"Kai?"

Takao came closer, too close, and Kai's eyes flew open. Uncomfortable, he quickly moved away, afraid that the proximity would tip Takao off to what he'd been hiding.

"I'm fine, Kinomiya. Let's go back."

He started walking, leaving a bewildered and speechless Takao to stare after him.

xxx

In December the snow had piled up high, and Kai found himself cursing his decision not to disappear. Sure, Russia was worse weather-wise, but at least there was no one in Russia to nag at him for wanting to take a 'walk' in the freezing weather. He could not believe that for a long time now he was almost always surrounded by someone, usually Takao. It didn't help that he was staying at the bluenette's house.

_Get a place of your own__, _he would tell himself, but never got around to doing it. He had the money—he'd inherited more than enough from his grandfather—and he was the solitary type so that was no problem. But every time he actually made the final decision somehow Takao would unknowingly mess it up. He would ask for reassurances that Kai was going to stay put ("I like having you around here, you know.") or talk about his grandfather ("I still can't believe he's gone. Its been so long and still I… Kai, I'm glad you're here.") or muse on how Kai would be if he were to live alone ("_Nobody_ would see your face again for sure. I would have to knock down your front door. After finding out where you live first, of course.") Sometimes these comments become incentives for him to simply leave, but somehow he would look into Takao's eyes and forget all about it.

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It was night time—as usual—and he made the decision to take a walk—as usual. He tried to leave without the knowledge of the bluenette but after pulling on his boots and wrapping a scarf around his neck he got caught at the door.

"Kai? Where are you going?"

Takao stood in the entrance behind him, blinking owlishly.

"Out," Kai said through gritted teeth.

"Out?!" Takao spluttered, "Now? Kai, are you insane? There's a blizzard out there."

Kai threw open the door and was engulfed in a flurry of rushing snowflakes. Takao came forward and pushed it closed again.

"Do you want to catch hypothermia or something?"

Kai turned in his place. They stood face to face, Kai a few inches taller, their chests almost touching.

"For once, can you not question everything I do?"

His jaw was clenched, he glared at the other with all the irritation he could muster.

Takao stood silently for a moment, then he looked away, his expression falling.

"Look, Kai. I'm not—not trying to interfere or control you or something—"

"Really? Because it seems like it to me."

Takao looked up, now looking hurt.

"No… I'm not—Kai, I'm sorry if it seems that way. I just—don't want you to get sick or something. I care about you. I—"

Kai closed his eyes and pushed past him.

"Stop Kinomiya. Just Stop."

He threw his shoes off, and didn't look back as Takao stood in the doorway. Feeling more than exasperated, both with the other and with himself, Kai went to the blunette's room and shut the door behind him. He stood in the dark, feeling angered. Sometimes he couldn't stand it. Why didn't he just leave? Why didn't he just ignore Kinomiya's imploring eyes and go? Why didn't he just…

He walked over to the window and threw it open, then climbed up to sit on it. Ignoring the cold and the swirling snow, he fumbled in his jacket for a moment before finding what he desperately needed. He lit the cigarette quickly, took a long drag, and felt his body relax as the nicotine rushed into his veins. When he blew out the smoke he blew out all of the tenseness in his muscles as well. A satisfying dizziness took a hold of him and he slouched. He'd been itching to have one all day but hadn't been able to get safely away from Takao. Until now.

He closed his eyes, and enjoyed finally having a smoke after a long, torturous day.

Then suddenly the door flew open, and a shadowy form stood in the doorway. Kai looked back, but the light switch was thrown on and he winced in the onslaught of the light.

"Kai—"

Takao stopped, then stood gaping at the other. Kai spared the cigarette in his hand a glance and didn't even bother with attempting to hide it. He turned away again, and took another long drag. The smoke licked his insides like sweet poison before being exhaled again.

The bluenette marched forward, grabbed Kai shoulder, and pulled him back to look into his face. Staring squarely into Takao's eyes, Kai raised the cigarette to his lips once more. He squinted as the smoke gushed back out.

"Kai…" Takao murmured, "Since when?"

Kai wrenched his shoulder away.

"Long time," he replied, "If you don't want me smoking in your house then don't object to me stepping outside."

Takao slapped the cigarette away and Kai watched it swirl with the snow in disdain.

"Damn it, Kai. This is your house too now. But smoking? Do you know how bad that is for you?"

Kai jumped down from the window. He towered over the other menacingly.

"I do not see how that is any of your business," he bit out.

"It's my business if you're doing something to harm yourself Kai. I can't believe I didn't notice before. All those walks, you were getting away so you can smoke weren't you!"

"Shut up, Kinomiya. For once, just shut. up. and leave me alone."

Takao looked stricken. He stood, staring Kai straight in the eyes. And then, instead of slapping Kai as he would have expected, Takao lunged forward and pulled him tightly into his arms.

Kai tensed, then slowly relaxed his muscles. He didn't return the embrace but allowed the other to bury his face into his shoulder.

"I'm sorry, Kai, I really am, if I seem over the top," he murmured, "All I want to do is look out for you, and I don't want you to smoke. I don't want you to do anything that could hurt you. Please, stop. It's a bad habit—why did you even start?"

"I can look out for myself," Kai responded, sounding rougher than he intended to. Takao squeezed him harder

"By smoking? It could kill you. If something happens to you, I'd be nothing…"

Kai's eyebrows clashed and he pushed Takao away.

"Would you stop—"

"No!" Takao replied heatedly, "No, Kai, I won't stop. I care about you, a lot. You don't know how much—"

Kai put his hand on the other's chest and shoved him back against the wall. He left his hand there, watched Takao's lip tremble.

"You smell like cigarettes. I won't say anything anymore, but promise that you'll stop smoking. Promise."

Kai's hand shook. He didn't know whether he wanted to punch or kiss the bluenette.

"I can't," he said shortly, "So stop asking."

Takao's stance slumped back against the wall and Kai finally dropped his arm. Then he turned, making a sudden decision that he was going to leave after all. Takao, relentless, only came after him.

"I know what you're thinking," he whispered in the doorway, "If you really want to go, I won't stop you. You can pack if you want. I know it's selfish of me to want you here all the time. I don't want you to feel obligated to stay just because of me."

Kai turned back. He wanted to shout or slap the other or do _something_. But then he looked at Takao, who stood there with defiance in his eyes. Takao, who looked sorry but certain and who didn't look imploring anymore.

He let out an incredulous and humorless chuckle. It was a rough sound. "You always do this," he accused.

"Do what?" Takao asked.

"This, Kinomiya! Can't you shut up for once and leave things unsaid? Just once!"

Takao shook his head slowly and tiredly.

"I don't know what you want Kai, I really don't." He turned away and headed back into the house.

Kai stood there, livid, his hand gripping the doorknob tightly. Then he made his decision.

Takao was sitting on the couch, head in his hands. His hair was falling everywhere, and his bare toes were curled in agitation. Kai stood behind him, and before he could double guess himself he reached out and wrapped his arms around the form, pulling him back to his chest.

Takao gasped lightly and then he let out an almost-silent sob.

"I d-didn't mean to," he wept in a whisper, "I don't want you to go Kai. I don't w-want to p-push you away."

Kai sighed into Takao's neck. He had nothing to say.

Takao slowly turned in his arms, and looked at Kai with squinting, tear-filled eyes.

"If you're really going to go, then you have to know something."

And before Kai could react in anyway, a warm mouth covered his, and a wet face pressed to his own. He felt as though an electric jolt hit him. Takao kissed him slowly, lightly, and then stopped and just let his lips rest against Kai's. Kai, feeling lightheaded, felt the other's mouth curl down and felt the sob building up in the bluenette's chest. Takao tried pulling back, but Kai held him there. Takao sobbed against his mouth, and Kai mustered up all of his courage and kissed him back, just as slowly and measurably as Takao had done to him.

When they finally pulled back, Takao's tears had subsided, and he opened his eyes slowly and looked into Kai's face.

"Kai, do you—" he murmured.

Kai pressed his finger to the other's lips.

"No words, Kinomiya," he breathed, and then pushed him back onto the couch.

xxx

Kai Hiwatari didn't need words.

He didn't promise to stop smoking, but he stopped all the same.

He didn't make assurances that he would stay, but he expected them to be known all the same.

And he didn't tell Takao how he felt about him, but he showed him all the same.

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FINIS

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**Smoking is a bad habit, trust me. Reviews would be much appreciated.**


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